I think I really need to rip myself open for this. The whole purpose of this blog is to publish the more private parts of myself that only a few people will ever truly know – people who will live in my heart endlessly. This blog is for them equally as it is for me because things are changing. In January 2018, I called my old media director and close friend, Alvaro, to ask him about the post-graduate life. Alvaro is a super important person in my life who I consider one of my mentors because he has the ability to really shift my perspective as all my mentors do.
Should I apply to medical school still?
That was the only question I had, which is a difficult to answer for anyone. It was never a question for me before because I was already so committed to medicine. My pre-medical internships and research brought me so much closer to myself after a very dark time in my life. I thought it was the right thing to do, but a few things changed when I transferred to UCLA. I learned that other things besides medicine made me happy. That is really what I was trying to achieve and medicine had filled that void at Irvine, but it didn't at UCLA.
He told me, in terms of who I am, that medical school would be a total waste. This is where I was a little bit confused. I didn't know how something so reliable could be a waste. Alvaro gave me a list of things I was good at that he knew made me happy. He knew these things made me way happier than medical would ever make me. He said I had talent, which is when I became even more confused.
This is the part when I recognized that someone believed in me when I didn't even believe in me. Not just one person, but several people. All beautiful people who I will adore until the end of time. I was overwhelmed when I realized the massive amount of support that I had. I think I was so used to not having any that I didn't even see it when it was there, but it was finally there. It was there and it felt indestructible.
Go to Paris and live your life there. I never thought about it until he told me to take that risk. I could document my experience, improve my fluency in French, live with my European friends from UCLA, and create a different life. It was scary when I talked about this with my other mentors: who are in their residency right now, who pursued art, who made huge moves. No one disagreed and all of them supported me fully in this decision. All of them just wanted me to be happy.
[ how did I get so lucky ]
How the hell did I get so lucky to have all these people around me who show me nothing but love? How did my life go from nothing but darkness to nothing but happiness? I ditched the whole medical school idea and bought a one way ticket to Paris. I have no idea what is about to happen. All I know is that this is the next step. All I know is that I have my entire support group behind me on this. All I know is love. Thank you to everyone who has taken my hand and told me this is the right decision no matter what the outcome will be. Thank you for all of your love. I leave in 7 days.
Je t'aimerais toujours.